Repair & Conflict
An apology has parts, and most attempts leave one out
The difference between an apology that lands and one that makes things worse is usually a missing component rather than a lack of…
Anushka Grover
Contributing writer, Grab My Heart
Anushka writes about loneliness and moving to cities where she knew nobody.
Contact Anushka through our contact page — mark your message for their attention and it will be passed on.
18 articles
Loneliness & Belonging
Loneliness behaves like hunger, and that is the useful part
Treating loneliness as a signal rather than a verdict changes what you do with it. What the signal is reporting, and why it…
Loneliness & Belonging
Being new to a group and the months before you are counted in
Joining an established circle has a recognisable sequence. What is happening during the period when you are present but not yet…
Repair & Conflict
Repair is available when resolution is not
Some disagreements cannot be settled, and waiting for agreement keeps a relationship suspended indefinitely. What repairing without…
Loneliness & Belonging
The circle you lose when a job ends
Redundancy and retirement remove an income and a social structure at the same time. The second loss is rarely planned for and often…
Loneliness & Belonging
Rebuilding a social life after a long absence
Illness, caring, a difficult period or simple withdrawal can empty a diary. Coming back is a specific process, and it is slower and…
Loneliness & Belonging
Feeling socially behind is common and usually based on bad evidence
Almost everybody believes other people have more friends and better ones. What the comparison is actually made against, and why it…
Loneliness & Belonging
The loneliness that arrives after a bereavement
The people who came to the funeral often disappear by the second month, exactly when the difficulty begins. What is happening, and…
Repair & Conflict
Fallings-out that are actually about a third person
Two friends stop speaking over something neither of them did. What happens when a relationship is damaged by somebody who is not in…
Loneliness & Belonging
Online friendships are real, and they have one specific weakness
Friendships formed through a shared interest online can be deep, sustained and genuinely important. What they supply reliably, and…
Repair & Conflict
A grievance rehearsed for months comes out at the wrong size
Something small gets stored, replayed and refined until it is a case. By the time it is finally raised, the other person is hearing…
Repair & Conflict
Repair with a parent runs on a different clock
Apologising to a friend and apologising to a parent are not the same procedure. One relationship can be left; the other has decades…
Loneliness & Belonging
Eating alone in public is a smaller thing than it feels
The barrier to doing things alone is almost entirely the imagined audience. Removing that one belief opens up a large amount of…
Loneliness & Belonging
Being the only one of something in the room
Whether it is background, age, language, class or circumstance, being the single instance of something changes how a group is…
Loneliness & Belonging
The person everybody leans on often has nobody to call
Being reliable attracts more requests and fewer offers. The role is built slowly, from small competences, and it ends with a person…
Loneliness & Belonging
Small talk is a protocol and it can be learned
It is not a test of personality and it is not meant to be interesting. It is a low-stakes procedure for establishing that two…
Loneliness & Belonging
Shyness and dread before a social event are not the same problem
One is a temperament that warms up after twenty minutes. The other is a fear that peaks before you arrive and shapes what you agree…
Loneliness & Belonging
Moving back to a place you left, and finding your circle has closed
Returning feels like it should be easy, since you know the streets and the people. The people, meanwhile, have spent years…